Joy As Defined By...

So about 15 minutes ago I had this thought about what joy really is. It's not a long thought but I will share it with you none the less.

Though they look similar joy is not the same as happiness. "Happy" is an emotion that is completly circumstancial. "Joy" is having a constant unchanging positive source that overrides any circumstance.

I could elaborate further but I wish, in this case, that you would make of it what you will.

"I'm just me" or "I am ME"

So my latest epiphany is being comfortable with who you are. I feel like my life would have been so much better... or at least a lot less awkward if I would have gotten this sooner. I feel like I've spent my whole life trying to be like or act like someone else, because being me just wasn't good enough.

Here's the thing about trying to be someone else.

1) It will never be you. You may have similarities to other people but no one is just like you.

2) The people that have made it "big" are not the ones that tried to be someone else, but rather celebrated who they were.

3)What works for someone else won't always work for you. You have different hair, body, face, personalty, likes, dislikes, background that make you, you. Work with what you have, because it's unique to you!

4) The best that you can achieve when trying to be someone else is just being a really good copy. And copies are never worth more than an original.


I remember wanting to look like certian people when I was growing up. I would think "Wow! They are so cool. I want to be just like them." And I would try to. But one day I had the glorious thought, "I don't look like them!" I couldn't do my hair like them. My hair is fine and straight, I can't even burn it into place! haha I couldn't be what they were. I'm an artist. I want to draw and paint! I'd be miserable doing anything else. What works for them doesn't work for me! I was born FLO! I can spend the rest of my life trying to be someone else (WHICH WILL NEVER HAPPEN) or I can make the most of me and work with what I have to work with.

I am a nerd.
I have beautiful straight blonde hair.
I love music.I look good in hats.
I'm NOT a girly girl.
I love sneakers, t-shirts, and jeans.
I love art.
I love being ridiculous and silly.
I love dancing.
I love comic books!
I love sports.

The list could go on and on. This is me, and I enjoy being me. Make a list of who you are and start celebrating EVERYTHING that makes you, you.

Loving Lightly

Perhaps it's the close proximity to Valentine's Day that this thought is thrust to the front of my mind, but lately I have been so disgusted with the current definition of love. I have a hard time distinguishing the lines between the love that we are to exhibit as Christians and the romantic love that we have for an individual as it applies to when we say it. I feel as though the word is used to liberally, but on the other hand, being a Christian requires us to love liberally....does it not? Upon thinking further I have come to a satisfying conclusion, at least for myself, that the fault does not lie with the word being applied too liberally but the problem lies with the meaning. The word has honestly almost become a joke in my mind. It has taken on such a fleeting meaningless definition that I feel like to describe what love truly means (or should mean) I need another word because love no longer seems strong enough. Maybe I require too much out of the word, but I get so disappointed when people use the word like it's a catch phrase. They say I love you today, but tomorrow the love is gone. Why is it no longer undying? Why is it that something happens that is disagreeable people are willing to ditch the sentiment that once was so strong as if it never meant anything to them at all? Selfless love is no longer the trend. I have often heard people refer to a particular divorce as "ugly", but when have you ever heard anyone say it was easy? or pretty? How can a couple who once professed to be "in love" go at each other throats; being perfectly content to leave the other destitute? In Anneland when you say love, you mean it.

"I don't know..." (well actually I do know, I just don't want you to know)

Have you ever been pouring your heart out to someone over a complicated or tough subject and in the midst of trying to explain yourself you stop and say "I don't know"? I do all the time. However, in the vocabulary of Flo "I don't know." rarely means that I do not know; more often than not it means "I don't want to say how I really feel because I'm afraid of what you'll think."

I never really gave it much thought, until I was talking with a friend; who was about to say something but stopped herself just before she got to her point, and said that very same thing to me. Though I did push her to say what it was she was thinking; I don't know what made her stop.

I realize that using myself for an example gives me an unfair advantage, because I know what I'm saying, and for that matter, what I'm not saying. But for me, I stop myself as I'm thinking through what I'm saying, and it comes to point where I either get frustrated (because I'm having a hard time describing what I'm feeling) or I'm afraid of what the other person would think if I leveled with them. Which leads me to wonder how much of the truth are we actually getting when we ask someone " how are you?" or "what's wrong?" Certainly you are not going to tell all of your woes to an acquaintance, but could you tell someone that you were close with? It seems to me that it comes down to a security and trust issue. Personally I find it hard. There are things that I want to talk with people about, but I wonder sometimes that if I tell them,I'm afraid that they would think less of me? It doesn't even have to be anything huge; like some deep dark past or secret. It could be something (comparatively) little, and your concern would be that they think that you're petty.

I offer no answer, in fact I don't even have a question. There isn't even much of a point. This is simply a thought in my head put to words.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

I don't know about you, but for me, it is almost impossible to simply listen to a song. Music moves me....I feel it. I am infatuated with catchy tunes, and when a song has a good beat, it creates this involuntary reflex to move. When the passion grows in a song it becomes an anthem for me, regardless of the lyrics (which is a sizeable downfall). What the artist is feeling; I'm feeling. When I'm alone in my car, I crank the music up, so that it feels like it's surrounding me. For me it's an emotional experience. I get a thousand pictures in my mind when I hear a song. I create videos in my head of what the music would look like if it had substance. There is a song for every feeling, and when you listen to those songs while you're feeling whatever it is you're feeling it becomes an expression of that emotion. It's a release for me to get out feelings and thoughts. It's beautiful and I love it.